I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
