five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
