...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
