like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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