I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
