You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
