Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
