If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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