So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
