What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
