I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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