He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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