textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
