Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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