That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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