I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
