"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
