So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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