well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
