His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
