1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
