We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
