well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
