Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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