I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
