And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
