Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
