she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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