He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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