So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
