distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
