My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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