So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
