Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just tell him i said nine months
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
