I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
