hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish my penis had a tongue
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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