I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
