That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
