I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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