he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
