I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was so not down for the gang bang
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
