I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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