you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
