were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize