ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do vagina's smell?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
