the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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