Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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