are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
