Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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