Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize