I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
