Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
