Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
