Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
