i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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