I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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