Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
