it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize