do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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