have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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