Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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