first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
