turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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