I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
