in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
