sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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