i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
