Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
