I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
