My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
