just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
